When you come to the end of your rope, tie a knot in it and hang on.

Black holes are where God divided by zero. The trouble with life is there's no background music.

My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God and I didn't.

Don't take life too seriously; No one gets out alive. I smile because I don't know what the hell is going on.

A clean house is a sign of a visit by an older female relative

Chocolate shrinks your clothes! I've had it with reality!  Where's my fairy godmother?

They call it PMS because

Feeling like roadkill on the information superhighway? You can't have everything. Where would you put it?

I'm starting to wonder how bad 4 years with no president would be.

I feel better after I wine a little. Reality is where the pizza delivery guy comes from

Our factories are all overseas.  All we produce here are rich executives

Could you drive any better if I shoved that cell phone up your butt? Is it a mistake that stressed is desserts spelled backwards?

I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.

There are two kinds of pedestrians: the quick and the dead. Life is sexually transmitted

You probably don't recognize me without the cape.

Buckle up!  It makes it harder for the aliens to suck you out of your car.WWJD (Who Wants Jelly Donuts?)

So many stupid people, and so few asteroids.

Why are political jokes always elected? The first thing lost on a diet is your sense of humor

The best 10 years of a woman's life are those between 39 and 40.

Outsource executive management I believe in dragons, good men and other fantasy creatures

Geologists know what makes the bedrock

If you can't operate your turn signals, what makes you think you can operate the rest of the car?

Don't worry what people think.  They don't do it very often. Guns don't kill people.  Drivers with cellphones do.

If money is the root of all evil, why do churches beg for it?

Ankh if you love Isis Elvis is dead and I'm not feeling too good myself Where the hell is Easy Street?

...and I should care, why? My other car was repossessed

Don't worry. I forgot your name, too!

Cute & Dumb.  One out of two ain't bad. Who is Oscar Meyer & why does everyone want to be his weiner?

4 out of 3 people have trouble with fractions

My $enator can outgrab your $enatorDrinking and driving has totally cured my road rage

If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests? Drugs lead nowhere, but it's the scenic route

No matter where you go, there you areCows come and go, but Bull lasts forever

You can view these, and many more, at Den's Diner

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