I used to spend a lot of time driving, much of it bumper-to-bumper. I sometimes found myself creeping up on the car in front of me in order to read a bumper sticker.
Here's a short collection of what I've seen.

I'm starting to wonder how bad 4 years with no president would be.

Black holes are where God divided by zero. The trouble with life is there's no background music.

My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God and I didn't.

Don't take life too seriously; No one gets out alive. I smile because I don't know what the hell is going on.

A clean house is a sign of a visit by an older female relative

Chocolate shrinks your clothes! I've had it with reality!  Where's my fairy godmother?

They call it PMS because

Feeling like roadkill on the information superhighway? You can't have everything. Where would you put it?

I feel better after I wine a little. Reality is where the pizza delivery guy comes from

Our factories are all overseas.  All we produce here are rich executives

Could you drive any better if I shoved that cell phone up your butt? Is it a mistake that stressed is desserts spelled backwards?

I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.

There are two kinds of pedestrians: the quick and the dead. Life is sexually transmitted

You probably don't recognize me without the cape.

Buckle up!  It makes it harder for the aliens to suck you out of your car.WWJD (Who Wants Jelly Donuts?)

So many stupid people, and so few asteroids.

Why are political jokes always elected? The first thing lost on a diet is your sense of humor

The best 10 years of a woman's life are those between 39 and 40.

Outsource executive management I believe in dragons, good men and other fantasy creatures

Geologists know what makes the bedrock

If you can't operate your turn signals, what makes you think you can operate the rest of the car?

Don't worry what people think.  They don't do it very often. Guns don't kill people.  Drivers with cellphones do.

If money is the root of all evil, why do churches beg for it?

Ankh if you love Isis Elvis is dead and I'm not feeling too good myself Where the hell is Easy Street?

...and I should care, why? My other car was repossessed

Don't worry. I forgot your name, too!

Cute & Dumb.  One out of two ain't bad. Who is Oscar Meyer & why does everyone want to be his weiner?

4 out of 3 people have trouble with fractions

My $enator can outgrab your $enatorDrinking and driving has totally cured my road rage

If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests? Drugs lead nowhere, but it's the scenic route

No matter where you go, there you areCows come and go, but Bull lasts forever

Dogs come when you call.  Cats have answering machines.

I'd love to trade Caller I.D. with Caller I.Q.

Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again. People like you are the reason people like me need medication.

The truth is out there but I forget the URL

Sacred cows make the best burgers VENI, VIDI, VISA I came, I saw, I bought

I work 40 hours a week to be this poor You can learn a lot about a person if you just take the time to inject them with sodium pentathol

Follow your Dreams except that one where you're at school in your underwear

A poor memory is not the same as a clear conscience Wealth is its own reward

I love cats, but I can't eat a whole one Top Ten reasons to procrastinate:  1.

Your body may be a temple. Mine's an amusement park

Saturday has a morning? Witches Parking (All others will be toad)

I don't have hot flashes.  I have short, private vacations in the tropics.

Faster than a speeding ticket If this car was a horse, I'd have to shoot it

Doctors say I have multiple personalities, but we don't agree with that.

My mother is a travel agent for guilt trips. IRS: Be Audit You Can Be

To err is human, to forgive divine. Neither is government policy.

The last time politics and religion were mixed, people were burned at the stake.

Forgive and Forget but keep a list of the namesWhat if the Hokey Pokey really is what it's all about?

A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.

I'm not opinionated, I'm just always right. For every action there is an equal and opposite criticism.

I'm so hot I contribute to Global Warming!

Don't bother me. I'm living happily ever after.

I'm out of estrogen and I have a gun Love him like a king.  Train him like a dog.

God created man first.  You need a rough draft before a masterpiece.

Does a Beer Run count as exercise? Squirrels:  Nature's little speed bumps

Suburbia: where they tear out the trees & then name streets after them.

If at first you don't succeed, blame someone else If you can read this, I lost my trailer!

Why do they call it

My 401K is now a 101K Keep the dream alive: Hit the snooze button.

Home is where you hang your @

I'm not cheap, but I AM on special this week! Boycott Shampoo!  Demand the REAL poo!

Laughing stock:  cattle with a sense of humor. I couldn't repair my brakes, so I made the horn louder.

Mental backup in progress.  Do Not Disturb!

How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink? Corduroy pillows:  They're making headlines!

You can view these, and many more, at Den's Diner.

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